Not Throwing Away My Shot


This post will contain only Hamilton gifs, I make no apologies especially today is the anniversary of Burr shooting Hamilton because I am #HamilTrash, and I am proud.


For those who don’t know (which is in the millions) I studied abroad my Junior year in Scotland at the University of Edinburgh (Here’s the blog I ran back then, it’s pretty decent if you want a little chuckle.) I was made to fly back home to the USA quite literally because my visa was expiring and I had classes in two weeks at my now alma mater. Since I left Scotland I would estimate that roughly 4/7 days out of the week I spend time thinking about ways to get back. Like, literally just sitting in an armchair with a hot cup of tea watching rain hit the window all the while thinking so I know the off season begins late October so if I got a ticket- it’s a sickness and I don’t want a cure.


Now, long story short the past year has held a bunch of ups and a s#!t ton of deep downs. I learned a lot about how the world worked, how other people worked, and finally how I work as an individual. I had entered into a ~dark place~ one which I couldn’t seem to fully pull myself out of. A couple of weeks ago I hit a point where I wasn’t really happy with where I was headed and I had to finally be honest with myself- that I wanted to be a writer. Now those who have known me for most of my life would roll their eyes and whisper under their breath *well of course you do, you’ve wanted to be a writer since forever ago* and to that I reply with a thank you for believing in me even before I did. I’ve also had a bunch of people ask me the question: yeah, but what are you going to do for your real job?


I’m going to write.


I mean I’m also going to have other jobs because as my mother has told me time and time again ‘paying the bills isn’t a sin.’ A hearty amen to that.


A little while after that revelation I had a conversation with my Dad and it went a little something like this:

Dad: “What would make you happiest?”

Me: “I don’t know..”

Dad: “Yes you do- don’t think about it. What would make you happy?”

Me: “Going back to Scotland, and writing.”

Dad: “So… do that.”

Me: “Oh… But I shouldn’t I should get a full time job an-”

Dad: “Fuck that, go to Scotland, write. Take a writing course there, be in the place you love. Learn. And then come back and write your ass off.”

My reaction when he said that.



So that’s the current plan. Go to Scotland. Write. During the month of August I will be in Edinburgh hiking Arthur’s Seat every day for the first two weeks, the third week I will be spending at a writer’s retreat in the Highlands near Inverness at Moniack Mhor taking a course in fiction from some truly bad ass writers, and then the last week I will return to Edinburgh for a week of hiking Arthur’s Seat as well as soaking in the phenomenon that is the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.


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Sorry, I couldn’t contain myself.

I’m planning on packing light (AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH a girl can dream as a self diagnosed chronic over packer and mood dresser there is little hope) as well as keeping a daily log RIGHT HERE!!! I may or may not be adding a vlog style diary entry as well (if you have a preference let me know in the comments down below!) I’ll post before I go so you can follow along with how I hot mess my way through packing and can strap into the emotional roller coaster of awesome that is rapidly approaching.

For the first time in a long time I feel happy.

For the first time in a long time I feel like I’m doing something that I love with every fibre of my being and that it’s worth fighting for.






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