Not Throwing Away My Shot

FYI:

This post will contain only Hamilton gifs, I make no apologies especially today is the anniversary of Burr shooting Hamilton because I am #HamilTrash, and I am proud.

 

For those who don’t know (which is in the millions) I studied abroad my Junior year in Scotland at the University of Edinburgh (Here’s the blog I ran back then, it’s pretty decent if you want a little chuckle.) I was made to fly back home to the USA quite literally because my visa was expiring and I had classes in two weeks at my now alma mater. Since I left Scotland I would estimate that roughly 4/7 days out of the week I spend time thinking about ways to get back. Like, literally just sitting in an armchair with a hot cup of tea watching rain hit the window all the while thinking so I know the off season begins late October so if I got a ticket- it’s a sickness and I don’t want a cure.

tumblr_nx5h4eORti1tk496vo3_500

Now, long story short the past year has held a bunch of ups and a s#!t ton of deep downs. I learned a lot about how the world worked, how other people worked, and finally how I work as an individual. I had entered into a ~dark place~ one which I couldn’t seem to fully pull myself out of. A couple of weeks ago I hit a point where I wasn’t really happy with where I was headed and I had to finally be honest with myself- that I wanted to be a writer. Now those who have known me for most of my life would roll their eyes and whisper under their breath *well of course you do, you’ve wanted to be a writer since forever ago* and to that I reply with a thank you for believing in me even before I did. I’ve also had a bunch of people ask me the question: yeah, but what are you going to do for your real job?

tumblr_inline_o1j2sn0m801rnjunv_500

I’m going to write.

 

I mean I’m also going to have other jobs because as my mother has told me time and time again ‘paying the bills isn’t a sin.’ A hearty amen to that.

tumblr_nwu62cnZW51uz5lzuo1_400

A little while after that revelation I had a conversation with my Dad and it went a little something like this:

Dad: “What would make you happiest?”

Me: “I don’t know..”

Dad: “Yes you do- don’t think about it. What would make you happy?”

Me: “Going back to Scotland, and writing.”

Dad: “So… do that.”

Me: “Oh… But I shouldn’t I should get a full time job an-”

Dad: “Fuck that, go to Scotland, write. Take a writing course there, be in the place you love. Learn. And then come back and write your ass off.”

tumblr_mwxs7cNdbn1qgggqfo9_250
My reaction when he said that.

I COULD GO TO SCOTLAND AND WRITE.

tumblr_o38j6pyFUm1udiahpo1_500

So that’s the current plan. Go to Scotland. Write. During the month of August I will be in Edinburgh hiking Arthur’s Seat every day for the first two weeks, the third week I will be spending at a writer’s retreat in the Highlands near Inverness at Moniack Mhor taking a course in fiction from some truly bad ass writers, and then the last week I will return to Edinburgh for a week of hiking Arthur’s Seat as well as soaking in the phenomenon that is the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

tumblr_nxfn1vFxNz1sfso15o3_250

slgnvw;V’SLDKVNowhv wekVNjabcn.Svb;oAJFoqwjbfnsm,dbg;woeGBSKLJDFBVFi;efbskdjb

Sorry, I couldn’t contain myself.

I’m planning on packing light (AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH a girl can dream as a self diagnosed chronic over packer and mood dresser there is little hope) as well as keeping a daily log RIGHT HERE!!! I may or may not be adding a vlog style diary entry as well (if you have a preference let me know in the comments down below!) I’ll post before I go so you can follow along with how I hot mess my way through packing and can strap into the emotional roller coaster of awesome that is rapidly approaching.

For the first time in a long time I feel happy.

For the first time in a long time I feel like I’m doing something that I love with every fibre of my being and that it’s worth fighting for.

 

XO

E

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s